The thing I hate most about holidays, is the fact that they have to come to an end. And we have to return to school. Not that I hate school. It's just that, after almost two months of freedom from any academic-related work, no stress... having to return to the battlefield, armed only with lame excuses as to why you didn't complete your holiday homework, is really something to dread.

But I know once I get into the full swing of things, I'll be loving it.

And I really, really want to drop Maths. It's really no point for me to hang on to that subject, thinking that somewhere along the line I'll start working hard for it. There just isn't time left. Now, I should just concentrate on my three subjects, and do well for them. The only problem is talking my parents round. My mom's convinced that I'm doomed without Maths.

But on the other side of the coin, there are times I like doing Maths. And after ten years or so of struggling with it, and making it everytime during exams, is really something I've gotten used to. If you ask me to stop doing Maths, I'll really feel weird. For one thing, there's never been a time in my life when I wasn't bad at a subject. Not to say I'm super good at my three other subs, but they are manageable. Maths is sort of my "comfort zone" for failing. Haha, am I making sense? Let's just say I'm really used to flunking Maths.

Went out with the girlies today! Minus a very sleepy Belinda. We called her three times at her house, and each time, she said she was waking up, but each time, she went right back to sleep. Sometimes, I really feel as if I'm losing her. I mean, not as in she's dying, but there's just this feeling that she's falling further apart from us. It'll probably be another month till we get to meet again. I want to invite them to my house for lunar NY! Hope all of them can make it. Anyway, it was good fun going out with the babes again. I realised today that we've grown up so much in the past year. The feeling around us is a lot more matured now. Something's changed. We're still as close as ever, but that element of slapstick humor and craziness has diminished quite a bit.

That also got me to realise, that as much as I want, I can no longer act like a kid. I'm going to be eighteen as of next year, and there's just no more excuse to behave so immaturely. Growing up never was easy. So many things change.

2005 has been one of the biggest turning points in my life. For one thing, I went out to work for the first time in my life. Working allowed me to become a lot more independent. One of the reasons why I went to NY was because of this newfound independence. Remember how in secondary school, I refused to take bus 28 home by myself? I always wanted Ching Lam or Felicia to accompany me. Thinking back, its really quite funny how I'd choose to go to a junior college so isolated from the rest of the girls. I didn't know anyone in NY on my first day of school. I went to the school all by myself, attended Orientation without any clue who the people were... joined a CCA that was so unlike anything I've ever known. I met wonderful people like Zhiying and Emmalyn, Joanne, Mark, Joel, my basketball team-mates, and of course, the wonderful 05A5A. All of them are so different in their own special ways. It was the first time I ever got to know a girl who loved rap and Eminem so much (Zhiying). Emmalyn, who isn't the quiet, shy girl I thought she was, and I'm still trying to discover the hidden loony in her. Joanne, who is so black and cute, and so awesomely fit. Mark... who is so weird and entertaining. Joel, who sometimes talks to much, but nevertheless, is a wonderful listener and advisor, and one of the few people with true sincerity. And BBGT, how could I ever begin to describe them? I've never been in any sports for a CCA, and they've really made my first experience doing so, a wonderful one. They are a bunch of wonderful people. Selfless, caring, joking, and yes, our famous quote, "pretty & cute." 05A5A... the first thing that comes to my mind is Jamie, Dahniela and Eileen---> part of the foodie gang. Chantel with her bounciness, Linghui who is so smart, yet so completely friendly and sweet, Reena with her boundless gossip and her speedtalking, the Mushroom gang and their obsession with Mr. Neo, Emily and her totally rad piercings, and funky dress sense, and who happens to be so skinny, but still thinks she has to lose weight (which she really doesn't), Yati and her deluded fantasies of Mongolian royalty, Karen with her highpitched voice and her Yoda-like resemblance, and Ella who's constantly saying "Oh my god, lah" then laughing.

Coming to NY truly was an eye-opener. Firstly, I was exposed to a lot of bitchiness that I could never hope to see in Dunman. My mindset probably broadened too; homosexuality really was foreign to me. After coming to NY, I became more aware of it, and I'm no longer living in my little well, thinking that only straight guys and straight girls existed in this world. Oh, and all that cake. Who could ever forget the countless birthdays we celebrated?

NY may not have swimming pools or large auditoriums. It might not have Subway and air-conditioned classrooms, or even proper lockers. It might not have the best teachers, or even semi-good ones. But what Nanyang did have, was a great principal who has drilled into us the importance of "Yin shui si yuan-ing" and yes, cute boys to oogle at, and a whole lot of love. Now, I truly know that I will miss this "cheena" junior college when I leave it. In Dunman, it was probably a true-blue neighborhood school. You had your smokers, your rebels, your gangsters, and you had the "Top 20 Chiobus" list. In Nanyang, you have the Cheena people. And what's wrong with Cheena? Cheena is good. Cheena is familial, Cheena is cultural, Cheena breeds warmth and love amongst the people of NY. Just today, I met a Nanyang girl in town, and she gave me a wide smile and a friendly wave. And I didn't even know her that well.

The one thing good about schools like Dunman and Nanyang, is that there's room for second chances. So you committed a mistake, a mistake of maybe smoking, and getting caught by the police, or something along those lines. They won't kick you out because of this mistake, in order to preserve their reputation. I'm not saying its wrong of those better schools to do so. Reputation is important. Its just the sort of good reputation you'd like to have. And in Dunman, I really saw, and respected what the principal and Mr. Bernard has done for those people who've made mistakes. Mrs. Edelweiss Neo is one of the best principals one could ever have. And I am very glad I've had the fortune of having her as my principal.

Okay, I think I'm rambling on here. 4C chalet tomorrow! Want to go shopping before that, probably at TM. Alright, off to watch TV. Happy Boxing Day, everybody!