Sunday, April 30, 2006 @11:37 AM

Unnie: It's [The Fountainhead] really an abstract book.

Me: I wanna read!

Unnie: Aiyah, you can't even understand your Literature texts!

Me: I can lor! I got 'A' for Lit okay! (Didn't mention it was a B overall) I wanna read! (Slightly hysterical)

Unnie(disparagingly): You won't understand lah! You like to read Shopaholic leh!


What's wrong with reading Shopaholic?? It's quite good, you know. My sister is convinced I'm an airhead who likes to watch chick flicks and read chick lit, and when she found out I dropped Math, she called me a loser!! Okay, I admit I can't do Math, or rather, I hate exercising my brain in the counting numbers way, and I appreciate chick flicks and chick lit. But I totally enjoy abstract things too! I mean, I loved Minority Report and Collateral Damage! Those are action flicks, not chick flicks! And Korean dramas are totally abstract okay. There's a lot of symbolism and abstract themes in the plots, which I can spend days thinking and analyzing. Like the ending of Summer Scent! And the paintings in the NY gallery for Synergy... those are abstract lor. And I like them a lot.

Anyone wanna watch Aquamarine?? I read the sypnosis and it seems quite cool. It's about a mermaid who's washed ashore, and two teenage girls discover her. The two teenage girls help the mermaid to find her true love, so that she can get out of a pre-arranged underwater marriage with some dude the mermaid doesn't fancy, and in exchange, the two girls get a wish or something. Which fits in perfectly with what they want, because one of the girls has to move away, and the two girls don't want to be seperated, so the wish's going to come in handy. Actually, I don't really care about the two girls, but I want to see the mermaid and the lifeguard she's going to fall in love with, who will probably be hot!!

And I want to watch Daisy too!!!

Anyway, today's going to be a photolog, a long one if I can help it!


Zhiying with the COLLAGE card Jamie made for her! And a yummy mango cake!


Her "practical" presents. She's really happy, honestly.


Xinhui and Eileen: "SARANG HANDA!"


I love Reena!!


Waiting to go into Marche. Is this the scary nipple picture?


Jamie is just freaking funny.


Vincent, Ellis and Emma!


Bittergourd Bak Kwa & Mashimaro


Eileen, me and the birthday girl!


Possessed by Eileen


Kissiekiss!


Eileen, me, Reena(HOT!)


HAHAHA. Slimming ad. During, after, before!


Love!

There're more pictures, but they're with Ellis. :))

Anyway, I managed to finish my term paper today, then went out with my family for lunch + shopping. Came home pretty late, around 8.30pm, and quickly headed for the gym. I feel like a pig man. I've been exercising very little for the past week.

Training tomorrow. Not enthusiastic about it at all. Oh well. Guess that's all for tonight. Annyong~!

Saturday, April 29, 2006 @8:36 PM

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me
So please come stay with me
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking


I was listening to this song, and wondering why it sounded so familiar. Then I realized. I'm sure Chingy would know why. Haha. Still remember how we were both studying the lyrics and analyzing the hidden meaning behind the words.

"Open Your Eyes" by Alter Bridge is awesome. Usually, I dislike such noisy music, but this one seems to suit my palate.

And one of my all-time favourites. (This is for my Black Horse, Eileen Seah!)

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map


Lovely, lovely song. :)

Was watching some Lifehouse vids on Youtube, and came across a short one with scenes from Pride and Prejudice, the one starring Keira Knightley and the hot guy as Mr. Darcy, and I suddenly want to watch it again! It was so good. Keira Knightley was actually quite ravishing in there.

Today's one of those lazy days. Okay, actually all weekends are lazy. But today's one of those good lazy days. I woke up at 10something-ish, and read Woman's Weekly and Telescope. Ijuksa (Ellis! The one with Rain and Shin MinAh in it!) is going to screen on Channel 55 in August. Woohoo. I hope I get to watch it. I also dug out one of my old Enid Blyton books and read most of it. One of the bad things of growing up is that you begin to realise that most of Enid Blyton's short stories are about the same. But it was good, because the images I had during my childhood of the way the scenes in the stories would unfold are still with me. And I shall give my child Enid Blyton books to read, because I enjoyed them so much when I was young.

You know how you want to do many things while you're studying, but you can't, because you have to focus on academics? The people will tell you, "You can do all those after your exams." And you're like, "Yeah, that's true." So you put aside whatever it is you want to do, and then you forget about it. And after your exams, you realise that the passion to do that thing isn't there anymore. And you lose out on doing something that you could've been really good at. And people might say, if you were truly passionate about the thing, you would've pursued it anyway. But passions die, people change. Okay, I don't really know what I'm trying to say.

I still have yet to watch the Chicago VCD/DVD I borrowed from the school library, and I think it's due next Tuesday. Was supposed to watch it in the afternoon today, but I fell asleep. And I'm feeling sleepy already.

Because I wasted the whole of today, tomorrow I've to finish up my History term paper, and go exercise!! Whenever I see the sofa, I just slump onto it, with my hands spread out on either side of me, and I'll just stay that way for quite awhile, not moving a muscle, just breathing and daydreaming. It's called conserving my energy, and I think it's rather like hibernation. I realised that I do it quite a lot during lectures. I could be staring intently at the lecturer or at my lecture notes, but I'm not connected with my surroundings at all. It's a very unique sensation, and it's resting without sleeping. But of course, it's not the same as sleeping lah. I wonder when did I acquire such a trait. I didn't have it in secondary school.

It's the way you cheer me up,
The way you make me smile.

@12:41 AM

I wish that I was at the beach now. A clean, untouched beach, with the salty tang of the ocean in my nose and on my tongue, the wind in my hair. Alone, just me and the waves for my music, and the stars above.

Or a beach with sweet, sexy jazz music, a balmy breeze, and I'll be dancing on the warm, moist sand, with a cocktail in my hand. I'll have a flower in my hair and pure, happy laughter on my lips.

I'm so sad these few days, and I don't know why. And its worse when I keep laughing for no good reason in school. Sometimes I feel like searching for some secret button and pushing it, then I shall not laugh again till I press that button.

Am I the only one who misses the four of you so badly? Life is strange without the presence of you guys. The easy jibes, the mad laughter, the hysterics.

Can I just have one day filled with simple beauty? With no pain, none of these petty emotions.

Somehow, I feel as if JB might be the only one who can comfort me.

Thursday, April 27, 2006 @10:42 PM

I'm bloody angry today.

Just bloody angry.

And I'm sorry, but "fuck" seems like the best word to describe my temper now.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006 @10:01 PM

What's the drama where one of the leads said, "Wo man nao xiang de dou shi ni."

Oh, Meteor Garden right? Shancai says it to Huaze Lei.

Haha, the phrase suddenly popped into my head.

Wah I'm so bored, and its so late, and I know I'm tired, but I don't feel like sleeping yet. I know I'm going to pay for it tomorrow when I see my eye circles. I jumped when I looked at myself in the mirror this morning. Ugh.

Okay lah, really got nothing to say. Bye.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 @6:01 PM

This is so gay, but...

I'm not that strong without you.

This is so cliched, but...

I need you like the ocean needs the tide.

:)

I'm so tired. Aigoo, I feel forty. And a very embarrassing thing happened to me in the library today. Aiyah, what's new?

If there is really a Heaven, I hope it'll be at the heart of the sunset, I really do. I love sunsets. They were a formative aspect of my childhood, and I think it's the one thing that can inspire me when I get writer's block. Not like I write a lot nowadays anyway. When I die, I hope I'll go to Heaven at the heart of the sunset. And I won't melt and die of heatstroke, because I'd already be dead, and anyway, I'd be a divine being. I wouldn't feel the heat. It'll be beautiful everyday. Dazzling, blindingly beautiful.

Do you ever feel the need to cry even though nothing bad has happened? I suddenly feel that way now. Come to think of it, I used to be such a crybaby in secondary school. Crying over nothing and everything. I hardly ever cry now. Sometimes I laugh a lot, but inside, all I feel is an empty, gaping hole. It's not the type of joy that will sustain you for the rest of the day. It's just a passing thing. It's not pure, simple happiness.

I don't know what's happening to me.

Where's the summer sunshine? It just keeps raining everyday, and it's already almost May. Speaking of summer sunshine, I love the song by the same name by The Corrs. The first time I heard it was during mass dance for Orientation in Nanyang. That song brings back good memories. Not of Orientation specifically. There really isn't anything good to recall about O2. It was so boring.

I miss seeing Jungle Boy all the time. I hardly ever see him now. I miss the feeling inside of me when I see him. It's not a crazy, fangirl thing, although I know I behave on that way on the outside. It's a sort of intrigue, an irresistible attraction. I wonder if I'll like him when I get to know his character. That's if, if I ever get to know his character.

I've got so much things to say, but somehow, when I want to blog, I can't put my thoughts into words.

Was reading Karen chingoo's entry and I'm reminded that I've never tried out the sauna room in my estate despite having resided here for what, five years? Shall try it out one day with the girls maybe. It'd be nice, sitting inside and talking, like in the shows. Then maybe someone would lock the room and leave us to die in the heat, and we'll all start dehydrating...

Kidding.

Oh, and I wonder if I'm suffering from a terminal illness, because my weight just fell again, despite me eating like a pig and exercising very little. That never happens to me, so I honestly suspect there's something wrong with me. I'm not complaining about the weight loss though, I could do with some. Or a lot, for that matter. Haha.

I miss those days of Sesame Street, Teletubbies, Barbie dolls and my vainpot-ness.

Monday, April 24, 2006 @7:49 PM



When you look at this picture, what do you see? I wanted to look for an impressive photo of MJ dunking or whatnot, but then, I came across this picture.

When I see this photo of him, the first thing I see is passion. Sure, its a little dark, and it doesn't help that Jordan's black, but I feel the passion. It's like a blazing fire, a rocket propelling him on. Then, I see the focus, the concentration. I see the determination- "I'm taking this shot, and I'm going to make it count. This shot is going in."

A lot of our success is determined by our mentality. To Zhiying and the rest of BBGT: Find back the passion you had for basketball. The original reason that makes you burn, that makes you hot. The original reason that makes your heart race and your hands tingle when you think of touching the ball. Let's rediscover that love for basketball. Yes, there are expectations to be fulfilled when you girls go out on court to play. Yes, you don't want to disappoint jiaolian and the team. But most importantly, you don't want to disappoint yourself. But maybe if we try and play the game without the pressure of all the expectations to be met, play it for the sheer love and passion, the sheer desire for the ball... Maybe we can get back the thing that makes us tick. :)

189 days to A Levels. Many, many tests coming up. We've already got our timetables for Mid-years! This is really it. Crunch-time. This is what my twelve years or so of education is going to culminate into. And I am going to come back next year and cry for happiness.

Sunday, April 23, 2006 @8:58 PM

I couldn't help crying as I read Joan's blog. Have you heard of Joan? Read today's Life.

onlyskindeep.blogspot.com

I read her archives, and the way she types and everything, just sounded so much like my sister. She's someone so personable, open and somehow, familiar. She went to RGS and then RJC, and she has an architechture course open for her at NUS. She was captain of her softball team in RJC. Her dad is a taxi-driver, and her mom worked at a childcare worker. She just seems to me to be the type who worked so hard in school to make her parents proud, so that she can get into a good course, get a good job and support her family. Her latest entries are so heart-wrenching. Maybe this is why I don't know how to put all my heart and soul into believing God is there. Reading her fervert prayers, for nothing more than to just recover from the cancer, but not having them answered by Him. Why? Why deem her to suffer? Why is it always the good people who suffer? Why is it not the people who do evil things and are selfish who suffer?

I feel so scared for her, for her family, for my friends, my family. How are her parents and brother going to live without her presence? She seems like a bright spark, a vibrant person who always lights up the room. How will she feel, leaving her family, her friends? How will her friends feel? All the people who have worked so hard to raise funds to tide her family through?

Dear God, I hope you will let her live. I really, really hope you will let her live. In letting her live, you will be giving not only her a new lease of life, but her family, friends and the countless of other people who have prayed for her and helped her as well.

I know death will give her Heaven, but I know she wants to stay on Earth for now. I know she doesn't want to leave just yet. Life may be filled with boundless suffering and pain, but it's filled with boundless happiness and love too. Please give her a chance to re-experience all these.

She can't just go like that. Not just yet. Please don't give up, Joan. Please please please keep on fighting.

Saturday, April 22, 2006 @11:01 PM

I think I shall go to the gym tomorrow and run for an hour. I've not exercised for a week and I am positive I've put on at least 5kg.

Econs is killing me. I hate doing MCQs, even though they're supposedly the easiest to score if you practise enough. Ahhh.

I read this story Zhiliang sent me via email. It had really bad English and was cringe-worthy at some parts, but overall, it was quite uniquely written, because of the author's frequent injections of his personal thoughts and the colloquial language. Speaking of writing, it's been ages since I wrote anything for Snowflakes or Encore. And to think I told the readers I wouldn't abandon those two fictions. I think I've about given up on writing sosul. For now, that is. Maybe I'll pick it up again after A's. But really, the fanfiction writers on Soompi are all quite young, around 13 to 16. I guess after you pass sixteen, it's kind of weird to continue writing stories about uhljjangs and ggangpaes. But I like those a lot, hahaha.

It's late and I haven't done much today. Going to try and complete MCQ then read up on Russia. Nights.

@9:25 AM

Not an ardent fan of Billabong, but I love this skin 'cos the girl's pretty, and it's very summer-y. The designs on blogskins aren't very good. Most of them are so convuluted and messy.

You were that eternal boy of summer; fresh and bright, beautiful and carefree, lighthearted and always, always laughing. You were an infectious disease, but your disease would never be one I wanted to recover from. I wanted to contract it, symptoms and all.

One day I shall meet my eternal boy of summer. He will be bright sunshine and fresh breezes. :)

My Zen Micro finally died on me this morning, after what, half a year? Before this morning, it was already showing the classic symptom of having a warped ear jack. Don't patronize Creative. Or at least, not their Zen Micros. I should've bought an iPod Mini back then. Now I have to go to customer support and get it fixed, for the third or fourth time. Aigoo.

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go


I love the last two lines of this song.

Continuing the trend darling Zhiying started.


Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com

Rock on.

Friday, April 21, 2006 @9:51 PM



I wish I was a photographer, then I can snap beautiful photos that will just take people's breath away, like how this photo took mine away. I'd spend my days taking awesome snapshots of sunsets and torrential downpours. of weather-beaten, wrinkly faces and quiet roads with the orange streetlights shining down on them.

Today, on the bus home, the sky was this beautiful (pardon the vocab)glow-y orange. The entire sky seemed like this fluffy, soft, cotton candy blanket, and it was a comforting, warm orange. The bus was passing this piece of land with shrubs and stuff, and the words "Beautiful dereliction" just entered my mind. The sky was really splendid today. It's like the world was going to end, but in a beautiful way. Aiyah, I don't know how to say.

I love it when the sun is setting, and everything is bathed in a golden-orange glow. At that point in time, you feel as if nothing in this world could be bad, nothing could go wrong. Everything is perfect for that one frozen moment in time.

I want the house in Great Expectations, the one with Ethan Hawke. It's the most fantastic house I've ever seen.

Thursday, April 20, 2006 @11:00 PM

I don't know what I've been doing the past week. All of a sudden, the work's piling up. Argh, time management!! I'm seriously considering staying in school when trainings end late so that I don't need to spend an hour getting home.

I need to get my academic life in order!!

Nevertheless, training today was one of the most fun ones I've ever had. Lots of laughter & everyone was just so high! :D

Happy birthday to Ms. Tang!! Aiyoh, she's very cute when she's shy...!

Right. I gotta run, long day tomorrow. Nights!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 @8:41 PM

Have I ever told you how much I love chocolates?



Chocolates are the best remedy for cramps, and they lift your spirits when you're suffering from PMS.



Yay! I'm so happy, because guess what? We're ALMOST done for the WR for Pre U Sem! After it's off to SRJC tomorrow, I'll be glad to say good riddance! Stayed back to do the WR today from like 4pm to 7pm. Madness, but nevertheless, we got stuff done! Imagine, I didn't even attend all the meetings and I'm already so sick of it. The rest of the research people must be cursing inside out!

My dad came to fetch me after the meeting ended today, and he waited like half an hour for me. So guilty! But we went to buy dinner cos my Mom had to go for her course so she didn't cook. Yep, and the reason(s) why I am feeling so happy are:

-I had a really nice dinner from this great cai fan stall.
-We bought chocolates & HONEY STARS from... NTUC

:)

Was supposed to go to the gym today with Emma, but we ended up eating pizza and having wonton soup in the canteen. And now I'm eating chocolates! Getting as fat as a tub of lard... but aiyah. I can't be bothered for now. Hehehehe.

This entry's a little pointless, but I'm so happy I just thought I'd share my happiness with whoever's reading this. And all this from having almost completed the WR and eating chocolates. Wow.

Alright. Going to shower now, then try and get some work done, then SLEEEEP.

Night all. (-:

@9:20 AM

Bwaaah. I'm almost ready to KILL myself. What with A divs, the WR for Pre U Seminar (!!!), the mountainous pile of homework in my file and on my desk, forms I forgot to ask my parents to sign, my worksheets piling up, unfiled because I am too lazy, revision undone...

???!

I almost want to smack myself for having the motto, "Seize every opportunity!" that I had last year. I thought I ought to make up for all my slack years in Dunman doing nothing.

AND on top of all these, I have to write SEVEN THOUSAND words worth of European History essays by the 5th of May!! That comes with not having done well for History for the blocs. Oh my.

On a brighter note, yesterday was our match against MJC, and we won! 57-21. :))) The team was awesome! And yes Yizhen, I want to be their stepping stone too! Your entry really inspired me! So don't feel down, alright? We've worked hard for what we have today, and it doesn't matter if we don't get to play during A divisions, because like you said, our experience can't match up to theirs. I've kind of reconciled myself to this, and when you accept it, I guess you stop thinking so much of how you want to play, and actually focus on the game and cheer the team on. Okay lah, I sound quite corny and gay, but anyway, GO BBGT! ^^

I went to GettyImages and typed in "inspire", and this is what I found.



I shan't give up, and I will charge on! I'm going to win this war. (:

"Don't give up on a dream just because it takes time to accomplish. The time will pass anyway."

I miss these girls. Till the 19th of May!



Okay, going off now..

Sunday, April 16, 2006 @9:38 PM

The past two days have been disgusting. Because I've done nothing remotely productive. I can't even sleep properly when I'm trying to nap. Don't ask me why. I just realised that I haven't studied for the SEA History quiz tomorrow, haven't studied for the SEA lecture test on Wednesday, haven't started on my Economics MCQ package (I'm about what, forty-five questions behind?), haven't started on my Literature King Lear assignment which is due this Friday, haven't completed my Public Finance tutorial, which Ms. Jeeva says we should try and complete over the past weekend...

And people are already talking about revising J1 work. I can't even complete my homework on time and study for tests!! Goodness me. To top all my problems off, the P hasn't come in I-don't-know-how-long. Pimples are plaguing my face, my stupid eye circles aren't lightening... Now I'm ugly and academically inadequate, not to mention possibly barren too (seeing as how the P hasn't come in months!!).

Alright. Enough of the negativities! Tomorrow is going to be a new day and a new week!

Aiyah, whatever. Not like it makes any difference, hahaha.

@1:10 PM

I want to eat chicken rice right now.
But my parents and brother went to my grandma's, and I didn't go because I've got lots of work to complete.
So I can't eat chicken rice, and I'm too lazy to go downstairs to buy food up. (The food isn't that nice anyway)

So I'll probably be cooking instant noodles. And even though it's my favourite Korean brand (Nongshim) and I can add an egg in...

Oh well. Life's like that.

Saturday, April 15, 2006 @8:37 PM

I didn't do much today, and am thus quite annoyed with myself. All I did was laze around in bed, listening to Lifehouse and trying to read my Economics notes, falling asleep, waking up to eat, then lazing around in bed and trying to read the notes again, then falling asleep again.

If my dad didn't wake me up to go running with him and my brother, I reckon I should still be rotting away in bed now. Speaking of running... we went to run at the reservoir. It's been eons since I last went there. Lots of changes since then. You can actually fish there now, not to mention kayak. I couldn't really enjoy the scenery as I usually do, which was a pity, because the view is quite breathtaking, especially when the sun is setting.

I love nights like these, when the breeze is just right; cool and comforting. It's an ideal night for sitting at the beach, beneath a bright canopy of stars, sipping a fruit cocktail (which I will only like in my imagination. I hate alcohol.) and feeling the wind lift your hair off your neck.

I miss my primary school. Chinese lessons with 6.9 were something I looked forward to, because it gave me a chance to see my crush. I sat just in front of him, so I was really quite a happy girl. But the happiest I was when I rushed down to the basketball court during recess with my guy classmates, and we would play non-stop for that half-hour or forty minutes or so. When I had prefect duty, and had to leave class early, I'd go to the canteen and eat nasi lemak with my Malay friends, then when we departed for our respective stations, I'd run down to the basketball court instead. Ahaha. And to think I was in the Prefect Committee.

I wonder why people want to get into politics and dedicate their entire lives to it. You have to run the country day in, day out, make laws for the good of the people, govern them well... What's in it for you? Sure, you earn a hell lot, but you can earn a hell lot being a doctor or lawyer too. Is it really the power that drives people to be ministers and what not??

Okay, I still have to complete the essays on Communism. The Manifesto is actually quite an interesting read, but still. No Karl Marx = No Communism = No headache.

@12:31 AM

I'm rooting for Brazil during World Cup. I can't wait for World Cup! It's the only time when I actually watch a soccer match. Was leafing through the magazine with all the participating teams just now. Saw Fernando Torres and was reminded of how much I adored him in secondary school. I think he had blond streaks in his hair back then. I just realised that Zidane's jersey number is 10 too, in French team, which is the same as Michael Owen's when he was still with Liverpool.

Went to study with Mark today at Coffeebean in Suntec, and had a good time despite doing tons of Economics. And I haven't even finished. Ugh. My weekends are going to be burnt, because you wouldn't believe the insane amount of work I have to complete by Monday.

I realised that I've got nothing else to blog about.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006 @10:56 PM

It doesn't matter how many mistakes you've made. What matters most is that you can look back on your memories and smile, laugh, cry.

When you die, what's the most important thing that's carved on the tombstone?

1988-2500---> It's the dash, the hifen. It's not how long you live. That is inconsequential. It's how you've lived. What you've chosen to fill in that little dash.


Something I found while reading my old blog.

I'm going to push myself till I drop dead on court. It's now or never.

Monday, April 10, 2006 @10:06 PM

This time all I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
This time you burned me with your eyes
You see past all the lies
You take it all away
I've seen it all and it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you
Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away
I try to make my way to you
But still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you
Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away
Don't give up on me yet
Don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
But don't let me stay here alone
This time all I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
I've seen it all and it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you
Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away
Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

-

Please.

I'm just getting so tired of everything.

Sunday, April 09, 2006 @7:08 PM

They don't do football this way anymore.

Kenny Chong sent me the above clip. It's entitled "Old School Football" and it's awesome. There's Zidane, Owen, Ronaldo, Roberto Carlos... and other brilliant soccer players whom I don't know. Watch it!!!

I can't wait for World Cup.

@12:39 AM

Have you heard of Choi Sungwoo? Choi Sungwoo is this quirky boy, who loved EunSung when he was a little kid, and who still loved EunSung when he grew up into an adolescent. Perhaps both of them always liked each other all along, but they masked the undercurrent of mutual romantic feeling with a platonic relationship. They were the very best of friends, until EunSung finally came to terms with her feelings for Sungwoo, and everything changed. They grew further apart from each other, perhaps for the better, perhaps for the worst.

That's Choi Sungwoo. And just for a Choi Sungwoo in my life... He'd be my best friend forever and ever, and I would never tell him I liked him, like EunSung did, because I would never want him to leave my side. I won't care if he goes out with other girls... no, I will care, but I'll ignore it, simply because having him by my side, to be my pillar of support and being able to love him just that way, would be enough. No, it wouldn't be enough, but it would be familiar. Things wouldn't change.

Do you think its silly? I don't.

Ever After

Go read Ever After if you can. It is one of the best fanfictions I've ever come across. And don't worry, its not too tragic; nobody dies.

It's way past my bedtime, and my eyebags are horrendous, but I don't feel like sleeping just yet.

I want to have my own bookshop in a quaint little corner in London, along a cobbled street and a busy road. It will cosy and small, and every inch will be crammed with shelves, bursting with all sorts of picture books on travelling, books on photography and art, romance novels, National Geographic... There won't be any science fiction books or weird Science books because I don't like those. There'll be squashy armchairs and a little cafe, whereby my patrons can sit down and read their book and sip a mug of warm, frothy cappuchino. There'll be soothing, relaxing jazz music playing softly from the stereo, and when people enter my bookstore, I want them to feel as if they've stepped into a different place, full of old-world charm. I want them to feel relaxed and completely at ease in my bookstore, safe from theire helter-skelter lives and the pressure-cooker environments at their workplaces. At night, when I close my bookshop and prepare to head home, it is rainy outside, and I take out my bright yellow umbrella, wearing my boots and a thick, comfy coat, with a scarf wrapped snugly around my neck. I'll step out onto the wet pavement, breathe in that wonderful scent of rain, smile because I'm the happiest person in the world, open up my yellow umbrella, and walk down the street slowly, while everyone else around me is rushing to get home.

Its moments like these, quiet moments at home when everyone else is sleeping, and the night is calm and the roads are deserted, that I feel like getting out of Singapore. Yes, I know I love Singapore, and I know I said I'll marry a charkwayteow man over a rich businessman any day, if its the charkwayteow man I truly love... But sometimes, I just want to be wholly, unabashedly romantic, and fly away to London and make all my dreams come true. I want to meet my future husband in my bookstore, whereby he'll enter and the bell on the door will jingle, and I'll look up with a smile on my face. Our eyes will meet and just for one brief, fleeting moment, our hearts will both stop. And both of us will just know, that this is it. He'll court me with bouquets of wild flowers, and we'll dine at cosy cafes, then walk along the River Thames, or watch a play, and we'll laugh in wild abandonment. And at my doorstep, we'll say goodnight, and he'll kiss my gently, brushing my hair back and wishing me sweet dreams.

I sound so disgustingly lovelorn.

Friday, April 07, 2006 @1:15 PM

The past few days have passed by in a blur, and I am so exhausted. Went for blood donation a little while ago, and I'm not sure, but I think its taking a toll on my energy level. I feel completely sucked dry of life.

Trainings on Wednesday and Thursday were madness. It gets tougher and more exhausting as A divisions draw nearer. My body is still aching from Monday's trainings... ugh.

Cos if you've got the poison, I've got the remedy, remedy.

I feel completely disoriented and inane today. I can't even blog properly.

I've got tons of work to complete, and I hope I can clear everything by Sunday.

On Wednesday, this group of dancers came to our school to perform for assembly. Watching them do hip-hop, jazz, the can-can dance, flying across the stage, and above all, the storyline behind the whole dance made me realize just how much I miss dance. I never thought I'd say this, seeing as how I didn't exactly like my secondary school modern dance instructor, but I miss learning the new steps and trying so hard to master them, then actually mastering them. And when all of us performed together as a group, in almost perfect sync with the music... the feeling was just unbelievable. And I remember clearly how the five of us would jump onto the tables in the classrooms and do the dance for The Ketchup Song. It was a hoot. I don't regret not taking it up in Nanyang, because I don't think I'd enjoy myself as much as I am in basketball now, but I do miss just dancing in front of the mirror whenever I feel like it, or going over to Felicia's house to learn new dance steps. I don't love dance as much as she does, but I guess to me, it has its own significance.

I'm just rambling on and on, aren't I? That's all for now I guess. There really isn't much to talk about these days, except that I do quite like the trailer for Tristan & Isolde, and Chicago is premiering on Channel 5 next Wednesday!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006 @9:56 PM

I wish I knew what to say.

Sunday, April 02, 2006 @12:14 PM

Finally done with my nationalism essay, and I'm glad I was born into an independent Singapore, and not have to struggle to liberate myself from oppressive colonial rule.

I've got tons of work to do:

-GP essay (due Tuesday)
-2 Econs essays for Keynesian Theory (Tuesday)
-Lear & Chaucer projects (Not due for another week)
-Finish up Nationalism tutorial & quiz (Due tomorrow)
-Communism research for European history (1 week +)
-Econs MCQ (due Tuesday)

And I have to finish whatever I can by today, because there's training tomorrow and I'll only reach home about 9pm. Sometimes it really sucks living so far away.

Mr. Jeow once told me that JC is the best time of my life, and that I'm suited for a JC, and not a polytechnic. Emmalyn said that too. Maybe I need to be in a JC to build up my discipline, because I know I'll simply laze through my semesters in poly, but as for it being the best time of my life... Times most probably have changed since Mr. Jeow's JC years and my JC years.

I'm so tired, and I miss my secondary school friends so much that I don't even miss them anymore. Does that make sense?

And I've decided, I'm really going to work my butt off for the rest of the year, because I want to get triple As, do a good course in university, then work, save some money, then get the hell out of Singapore for a bit. It's killing me. It'll probably be some years before I can actually travel around Europe with my own money, but I am going to do it no matter what.

Okay. Going to take forty winks before I start on work again.

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Melissa

the river runs and the river hides out to the ocean and under the sky i promise you the answer will come hold on to patience and watch for the sign everything in its time

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