Been rather busy the past two days or so with packing. I haven't sat down and properly studied in a long while. And I will have only three weeks or so to cram for midterms, because I doubt I'll be able to study much during PUS. Am rather excited for later, especially meeting my teammates and playing icebreakers. Okay, sounds stupid but I've always enjoyed playing IB.

I guess we'll always be our harshest critic, but for some people, that would not be the case. I am perfectly capable of being vindictive and evil-hearted. Sometimes the anger I feel scares me, and even though my mom tells me I always bottle up my feelings, I've never felt as if I was going to erupt and kill someone/myself someday. But there was this once, when I screamed at my brother and it was really frightening, even to myself. Especially to myself. It was the type of scream that comes from the very bottom of your heart, that is felt with so much vengeance and bitterness. And that's the one and only time in my life, that I've ever screamed like that. And my poor brother got the brunt of it, when he didn't really do anything wrong. Emmalyn said I'm good-natured and it really got me thinking. I would like to tell you that I am not good-natured. Being good-natured should be something pure and untainted right? A lot of evil things go through my head; the cynical part of me. I can't take things at face value anymore, I can't see something and accept it for what it is anymore. There will always be nagging questions at the back of my head, and I will always wonder if this is the true side of the person I'm seeing.

I know we all have our good and bad sides, but I sometimes feel very dark and ugly inside of me. That's when I hate it that I'm not perfect inside of me. Not simple and clean, to go by the song.

Over the past three days, I've seen good people. Truly good people. To ourselves, we might seem very bad, but to others, we might be angels. Emmalyn's one such angel to me. You know how someone just has this inherent goodness in her? Such that it shines through? The type of goodness that is just natural and innate? The type of goodness you cannot fake. That's Emmalyn. And you might not think so, Emma, but it's true. :) Ellis is another one. She's like a big sister/mother who dishes out advice, and who could ever forget, coming down to cityhall at 9am just to pass me a bag? I'm really grateful I got to know her better over the course of this year. And Mark, of course. Even though his mind works in really weird ways, like using the iPamper and massaging his chest and then laughing and laughing, and even though he once tried to slam the door on me, he's still guileless and trustworthy, and that's a lot to say.

I haven't forgotten Zhiying, of course. We haven't been talking much over the past week for some weird reason, and we might be drifting apart, but she's such a great friend from the start. I still remember how she bothered to go with me to BHCC and teach my layups before the basketball trials, even though we weren't that close, taught me to shoot, taught me Math. Going back to school to help me find my purse even though it was so late at night. I love you, Number 11. (: I might not always know the right things to say, might not always seem to be able to find the words that would cheer you up, but anytime you need a listening ear, just to listen, I'm here.

And lastly, to that special friend of mine

If not for you, I know I would have just let it slip away. I know I'll still be filled with anger and hurt. And then I would've regretted. So, thank you. :)

asdf.

Like, seriously.

I'm feeling like shit right now, pardon the word. I've got a migraine of the worst sort, and it didn't help that the bus journey home was led by a crazy bus driver and a spoilt TV Mobile that kept emitting an irritating high-pitched noise that just made my head go crazy. I feel like there are tiny hammers knocking on my skull and I feel like barfing. I don't even know why I'm online; I ought to be sleeping.

I wish I could be happy forever and ever. I wish I never need to feel physical or emotional pain. I wish I was healthy and sunshine-y everyday. I looked into the mirror and saw horrid dark eye circles, aging skin and dull, dull, dead eyes peering back at me. Why do I look like that, when I'm only eighteen? Why am I so judgemental and cynical, when I'm only eighteen?

Why are we living our lives this way? Why, why, why? Unable of saying what we want to say because things will never be the same again after that. Pretending not to care when we really care. Too much. And then when it's too late, we regret not showing that we care.

I'm tired like how I've never been tired before. All I want is someone to hold me while I cry, kiss my forehead and tell me that everything will be alright in the end. (Okay this is so gay and it sounds disgusting. Ignore it.)

To borrow Belinda's analogy about life being like a train, where people get on and people get off...

I really wonder who will be left at the train depot at the very end. Who would have stayed with me throughout the entire journey.

I miss you, my friend.

You with your fancy words, your assertive comments, your constant disagreements with what people say, your constant need to interrupt people and interject your own opinions...

You are worth nothing in my eyes.

I honestly tried to give you a chance. When the people around me dismissed you as irritating and making unnecessary noise, I still did try and make an effort to say that, "Hey, [you're] quite okay." I thought you just needed someone to give you some attention, and I truly did think you were an alright person. Annoying at times, but I thought you could be a good friend whom a person could count on. I thought you were unconventionally smart and quite a good judge of character. Maybe I even respected you at some point in time.

That was in spite of the way you behaved around girls. I dislike it when guys get too close to girls when they're just ordinary friends. I was uncomfortable with the way you liked to come so close, but I never said anything. I chose to overlook it, to pass it off as you being unaware of what you were doing.

I can accept irritating people, no problem. Vincent likes to be irritating but he's still my friend. You were and still am, irritating, but you were still my friend. What I cannot accept are people who so blatantly lie and lie and lie. Your whole existence would be a joke then, wouldn't it? You're not living, buster. You're existing. You are a joke. A big, fat joke. How many people are laughing at you secretly while you talk to them in your arrogant tone, trying to assert your manliness? Do you have any idea? All those things you ever told me. I can only think of them as lies now.

And I hold you in utter contempt. You have no respect for girls, no respect for people at all. You are a selfish asshole, living in your stupid, pathetic world, always blaming everyone for your plight, for the way you turned out today. Everyone but yourself. I used to empathize with you, but hell, all that you ever told me, were bullshit. Take a bloody good look at your life. You are pathetic. Why do you keep pitying yourself this way? Stop trying to fit yourself into the mould of a hell--bent, rebellious and violent kid who's turned good. You think that's cool? Portraying yourself that way?

I really cannot believe how I actually regarded you as a friend and took your words seriously. I never knew a person could lie so compulsively.

You think you're really great, huh? Talking as if you are really good at sports, at academics, at getting the chicks. You are not good at the sports you tried to pass yourself off as being accomplished at, and I cannot believe you told me otherwise.

You live this lie because you are a coward. You are too afraid to face up to people being better than you in things, you are too afraid of not being special enough to get attention. And you are too lazy to try and work hard to be good at these things. You choose to lie instead, to pass off a facade of someone cultured and well-read, impressive.

I want to see how you continue to embarrass yourself. I want to see how you get tangled up in your web of lies, how they will all come crashing down on you. Your lies have a big impact on me because I once considered you a friend. And it scares the hell out of me how I believed all your lies. Everything that comes out of your mouth from now on, will be worthless junk to me.

Argh, why did I have to find out about Devil Beside You so close to mid-terms?? Grrr now when I go online, the first thing I'll do is hit Youtube and click on some episode, wait for it to load, try and watch a little, then get annoyed and frustrated when the thing refuses to continue loading. And then go to sleep dreaming of Jiang Meng grinning at me.

I know I'm a freak, but I really can't help myself.

Most of a5a went to the zoo today! Quite fun, but I realise that the zoo can get boring when you go there too many times, cos the animals are all the same. I got to touch a kangaroo though! From today's outing, I realise how much I love a5a. Sucha wonderful bunch of people. Laughter is a guarantee when you're around the likes of the girls.

I need a haircut badly. Firstly, my hair is so darn thick it reminds me of the vines Tarzan uses to swing around. Secondly, although my hair is very thick, my hairline is beginning to recede. My fringe is so thin now, I can't do a quiff no more. I think I should stop laughing at Mark and my dad.

Midyears are coming so soon. Less than thirty days left! I really need to get my focus back, the one I had studying for blocs. It's so weird, when there was training I definitely had better time management.

I'm still waiting to fall sick lah. I've been sneezing since I don't know when. I hardly ever sneeze, unless I'm falling sick. But the fever doesn't seem to be coming. But I'm always so tired. Hmm. And my face is rotting; pimples are sprouting like nobody's business. Argh!

I always feel like blogging but when I actually get to the "Create" page, I don't know what to type anymore.

Everytime I enter the library, my head will automatically gravitate towards the computer terminals or the sofas. But I don't see him anymore. Wherefore art thou?

Okay lah I think I should go sleep now.

DEVIL BESIDE YOU MV

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CHECK THIS OUT.

THE GUY IS BLOODY HOT!! HIS HAIR IS AWESOME! HIS EYES ARE GORGEOUS!

The last real Taiwanese idol drama I caught was probably Meteor Garden or MVP Qing Ren, and none of the guys in there are as hot as Ah Meng in Devil Beside You.

AAAAH!!!

I hope you're doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you

And everything I have in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

I can't take another day without you
'Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
But everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
All that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

As the days roll on I see
Time is standing still for me
When you're not here
I’m sorry I can't always find the words to say
Everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
And all that i'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

Love this song by 3 Doors Down.

I want to make people cry. Not by bullying them or releasing pigs to chase after them (hahaha) lah. But by writing some really tragic story. I never got to finish Snowflakes or Encore. I don't even know if I intend to pick up those two stories where I left them, even though I promised the Soompi people I wouldn't abandon the two fics. I miss writing a lot. And I don't mean GP essays. I mean stories. Where you can describe humans, the sky, the smell, that special moment in time with specific details and pinpoint accuracy. Or try to, at least. Using single words made up of meaningless alphabets, and then wielding your pen like a magic wand, you tie those words together with your ability to write and you create a lovely story. I love playing with those words and piecing them together and see what I get.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EMMALYN!!!
"i lub euzzz!"

Went to attend TJC's dance concert yesterday, in support of Felicia. She has become so so hot! Hey Fel! I just want to tell you that all of us were really blown away by your performance yesterday night. It was awesome and you've improved so much! I'm not as emo as Bel, but I know why she was so emotional. You've blossomed so much! From that lunatic girl who could dance to BoA and fall down, then get up again pretending nothing happened, to such a hottie! Continue to improve, improve and improve! <3

Sometimes it gets quite hard to keep up the pretence (or is it pretense?) but it's just what I have to do. For better or for worse, I don't know. I've just always been like that. And yes, it gets awfully torturous sometimes and I hate feeling that way, but I can't really change that. Because I chose to be this way. Soon it will die off, I know it will.

Darianne says I'm very dramatic when writing on this blog. I think so too, hahaha.

I guess that's all for tonight. I resolve to be less frivolous.

So it ended. Approximately a year's worth of sweat, pain, endless complaints, muscle aches, an everlasting thirst for water, sprinting, the HDB block next to our school, tears, mad laughter, crazy cheering and screaming... All that has culminated into today.

We may have lost today's battle against Hwa Chong, but we won the war. Does that make sense to you girls? There is absolutely nothing to be sad/regretful about, because we really did it. We "took it out". Today was a beautiful game, absolutely well-played. How else do you explain how we made them run, made them struggle to get the ball back? How else do you explain the interceptions, the lovely shots?

No, not luck certainly. Every ball that went in, was almost a clear shot. Every shot was taken with the utmost care and focus. Every ball intercepted, was done with passion.

I really love the way BBGT played today. As Miss Yau said, we played like true basketball players. Wenting fought for the rebounds and assisted in many of the passes. Shona ran like nobody's business and blocked so many balls. Angie fought every second she was out there on court. Siping was absolutely calm and clearheaded, and she was very firm and strong today. Zhiying got in the first ball for Nanyang, and she really brought out every bit of her awesome defense. One Zhiying=2 of us, when it comes to defense. Ailing pounced for every rebound and brought out her speed. Elaine really took great care in every ball that she got in today, and she must've stolen many balls from HC. Sophina fought, she really fought. If there was anyone on court who really fought every second it would have to be Sophina. Anabel was so fast today I almost couldn't see her, and even though she was only on court for awhile, she made it count real good. And as for the rest of us, we cheered every second, we screamed till our throats hurt and our eardrums nearly exploded.

WE MADE IT GIRLS!

Top four seemed such an impossible dream just a few months ago. But today, we can proudly say we made it.

Cliched as it sounds, it honestly seems as if it was yesterday that we were counting down from the 90+ trainings we had to go for till A divs were over. We groaned and whined when we had to go for trainings, almost died during the camp, when we had to go for PT at 6am in the morning...

Last two trainings next week, and I really am looking forward to it.

Anyway, after the match, Zhiying, Ling Hui and I had to go back to school to take the Fund Management quiz. The quiz was siao lah. I think I'm going to be one of the bottom two, hahaha.

Now I'm wondering if I should participate in the long-distance running heats tomorrow. It's bi-annual, and its like my last Sports Day. But I don't even know if I can run anymore lah. Zzzz.

Yay, I'm very happy today!! :)

-World Cup is coming
-We got Top 4
-I'm meeting Darryl and the girls on Friday!
-05a5a is going to the zoo next week! (B&J's!)
-I love BBGT & 05a5a!
-I love myself!

Hahahaha.

Mucho <3 to Emmalyn, Ellis, Ling Hui, Eileen, Jamie, Dah, Reena, Xinhui and Mark for coming down to support us today!!! And thank you to Chantel, WeiJian and Swee Wei for your spiritual support!! Don't know what else to call it. :D!!

Did I ever tell you how much I like the MIDI on Karen's(a5a) blog? It reminds me of sweetness, of childhood, of nostalgia.

Let me tell you about a girl named CL. She was my sister's classmate back in primary school, so I was two years younger than her. She used to come over to our old house a lot, because her mom was working, so my mom helped to look after her. So I didn't really like her, 'cos I thought she was a bit hypocritical and always trying to curry-favour my mom. My mom thought she was quite a nice girl, so maybe my dislike for her was a result of jealousy. Anyway, there was this one day, where she was jumping on my sister's bed, and my sister and I have never ever jumped on our beds before, because it's unhygenic. So my sister was telling her to stop jumping, but CL didn't listen. I got quite annoyed and indignant at her lack of respect for other people's property, so I went, "Can you stop jumping on the bed? Your parents never teach you manners, is it?" Okay, it was harsh and anyone would've gotten angry at my words, but the thing was, that vindictive girl went to hide behind the desk in the study room and cry. And it was much more worst than scolding me or quarrelling with me, because she told her mom and my mom what I said, and because she was crying, my mom forced me to call up CL's mom and apologise. I was like, WTF?! Okay, not WTF cos I didn't know about WTF back then, but I was really angry.

Okay, anyway, that's not the point. The point is, CL's favourite song back then was this, and I realise that it really is quite a sweet song.

I finally found someone
That knocks me off my feet
I finally found the one
That makes me feel complete
It started over coffee
We started out as friends
It's funny how from simple things
The best things begin

This time is different
And it's all because of you
It's better than it's ever been
'Cause we can talk it through
My favouite line was
"Can I call you sometime"
It's all you had to say
To take my breath away

This is it, oh I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
To be with every night
'Cause whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone

Did I keep you waiting? I didn't mind
I apologise, baby that's fine
I would wait forever just to know you were mine

You know I love your hair
Are you sure it looks right?
I love what you wear
Isn't it too tight?
You're exceptional
I can't wait for the rest of my life

This is it, oh I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
To be with every night
'Cause whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone
And whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone

This was back in the days of Spice Girls and London. It's by Bryan Adams by the way. Lovely, lovely song.

Something very funny and cute happened today, that lifted up my spirits. On the way home in my dad's car, I happened to see this kid in those tiny school buses looking at me. I waved at her, and her whole face immediately lit up and she waved back. And kept waving, and excitedly told her friend that someone was waving at her. She was really cute; she had those Harry-Potter spectacles, and was probably about Primary 3 or something.

Shakira is super hot!

"Why are you so far away," he said, "Why won't you ever know, that I'm in love with you... I'm in love with you..."

I could feel the air slowly leaving my body today, like how a balloon shrivels up as the air is let out of it. It's like one minute you're full of energy, the next, you just feel like nua-ing there on the floor, not saying/doing anything, but just breathing. I'm so tired. Zzzz.

And Zhiying's depression has spread to me. I hope I'll get out of this funk soon.

38 days to mid-years. Kill me.

Was rather annoyed today with helmet. Maybe I'm making wrong assumptions, but it was so out of the blue, that it's hard to take it at face value. Whatever, I cannot stand it when people do such things.

I can't for the life of me, remember what it is I wanted to say.

Yesterday [12 May 2006]


My favourite-st thing in the world.


My attempt at doing at artistic shot.


I love this shot. That's my ah ma's neck, with a necklace my aunties gave her.


Good food :)


My two ah mah-s, chitchatting.


I feel like sleeping, haha.


Family :)

Today


Birthday girl!


<3


Guess who?


Scott imitating the way the British drink tea over in England.


Don't ask me what's wrong with Joshua.


Myself, Yangyang and ASHLEY!


Yummy mango cake.


Xinyang and JosIAOhua.


ZLK [Zi Lian Kuang]


Thanks a lot?!


Outside Swensens.

Went to celebrate Xinyang's birthday today, before heading to Coffeebean to study. I spent like a gazillion lightyears trying to find the place lah. My brain can't seem to retain memories of places, and how to get there. Anyway, I was there alone, and Ms. Tang, Ms. Yau and MeiFen came in at one point in time. The world is so small!

Read some interesting stuff on Great Expectations.

"I'll tell you, what real love is. It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart and soul..." - Miss Havisham.

"... only those who are capable of risking pain can experience joy. Emotional health is not the absence of pain. It is the capacity to bear painful feelings when they occur, without letting them stop us from loving others and continuing to feel worthy of love ourselves. A person can expose himself to the vulnerability of loving another person only if he has enough self-esteem to protect himself from the devastation he would suffer if that love were not reciprocated. He cannot afford to give to another the love which he cannot give himself... Without love (for oneself), the self collapses, the soul dies, the psyche goes to hell. "

"What is hell...... it is the suffering of being unable to love." - Father Zossima

Rather enlightening huh?

On a brighter note, DARRYL IS BACK IN SG!! He came back in April apparently, but only informed me today. Grrr. Anyhow, meeting up with him soon! Probably on the 19th, so I don't think we can study together, Chingy!

Okay, I gotta sleep early, waking up early tomorrow to cook breakfast for Umma!!

One thing I've learnt is that if someone can bitch about others close to her to you, nothing will stop her from bitching about you to others. I learnt that the hard way, and it was one of the most painful episodes in my life.

I hope I never have to experience something like that again, ever.

I wish I was surrounded by warm, warm wood with soft, orange lighting, and I'll just sit on the wood, with the rain pouring outside, watching the sleets of rain beat upon the gravel through a window.

I really want to watch Pride & Prejudice, but Yizhen can't find her VCD, and they don't have it on Youtube either. :( Guess I'll try and rent it during June holidays.

And she said, "I feel sorry for you; for your insensitivity, your utter lack of empathy, your selfishness, your need to talk, but never to listen, your shallow, shallow understanding of human pain, of human tragedy."

You are so fake.

I'm really, really tired of everything.

The Loyalist Option. (:

Argh, the stupid prom thing is giving me a headache. To go or not to go? I can't believe I'm wasting time pondering over such a worthless question. I feel like throwing eggs at people now. Gaah.

Went for PreU Sem briefing today. Hariz is in my group, thankfully. At least I won't be the only NYJCian in my group. The briefing was about the Guerilla Filming Crew thing; it sounds good. I still don't know what post I want to take up. Definitely not that of video editor! I know nothing about editing vids. We roamed about the school concerned for awhile, and I'm really thankful for NYJC. Haha. I like their canteen though, its rather old-school.

School is so mundane, I can't wait for Friday.

I need to get my MP3 fixed real soon. The bus journeys are twice as long without music.

That's all for today, thank you & have a good evening.

About guys, Turned ON, OFF or DC (Don't
care):

Is taller than you: On
Is shorter than you: Off
Wears braces: Er.. got DK? (Don't know)
Dresses Preppy: On (Preppy, I like!)
Dresses Ghetto: On (But the clothes can't have holes & are dirty... it has to be pseudo-ghetto)
Dresses Gothic: No way, especially not if he wears eyeliner.
Has blue eyes: On (but it has to be natural)
Has green eyes: On (see above)
Has hazel eyes: On (ditto)
Brown eyes: On
Drinks alcohol: As long as he isn't addicted to it
Wears glasses: Depends if he looks good in them?
Smokes: Off
Plays sports: On
Smiles a lot: On!!
Calls you just to say Hi: That's kind of weird... he could say more than just "Hi"
Compliments you: DK
Good dancer: DK
Wears jewelry: Just an ear stud, that'd be hot.
Smiles when you walk in the room: YES, I'D BE TURNED ON LIKE A OVERCHARGED LIGHTBULB
Has brown hair: As long as its natural
Has Black hair: DC
Has blonde hair: Natural, it's fine
Has red hair: Off, unless he's a real redhead
Makeup: NO WAY
Can make you laugh at any given moment: When's the wedding?
Loyal: On
Laid back: Not too laidback, but I generally like laidback guys. So, on then.
Plays guitar: On
Plays drums: On
Sing: On
he's buff (muscles): On (Lean & toned, not like someone intending to compete in weightlifting competitions)
Easily jealous: Off
Doesn't eat meat: OFF. HELLO?!!
is bi: I might be homophobic, so this is definitely out.
has a tattoo: If he looks like Chris Carrabba, I'm all for it.
has a lip ring: Off
has tongue ring: Off
-

Was surfing Friendster, and came across this questionnaire. I love filling such junk up, haha.

Today was crazy. Did three tests in a span of three and a half hours, consecutively. Siao! The bright spot was Mcflurry delivered to school! :)

I don't know if I should go to Prom or not. The $110 ticket aside, I don't know if we'll enjoy ourselves there, 'cos some people aren't going, and it just wouldn't be the same without them. Hmm.

Anyway, I can't wait for Friday to come. Holiday! And next Friday... Excited, girls? I am!

Yesterday, I had a weird dream. The type of dream that affects you, really affects you. The type of dream that is all fuzzy in your brain, but it changes everything. So strange. I wonder if dreams really have any meaning, or if they're just nonsensical things.

Was reading a bit of Tony Parsons' One for my baby. There was this particular part which got my attention (being the sucker for such rubbish, as I am)

"But she smiled at me - that smile, those teeth, those baby-pink gums, effortlessly taking possession of my heart- and I felt it, I really felt it.

That somewhere in this world there really was a home for me to go to.

This is the way it starts. You look at someone you have never met before and you recognise them. That's all. You just recognise them. Then it begins."

Guess what? I recognise you.

Scary-evil-nipple is beginning to get onto my nerves.

She acts like Summer, and walks like rain...

This song is beautiful. (:

In nature there's no blemish but the mind;
None can be called deformed but the unkind;
Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
Are empty trunks o'erflourished by the devil.

"She hated how he had spoilt her idea of self-will. She was disgusted by how he had disfigured, distorted the beauty of strength of the mind and soul beyond recognition. She now associated that perception of individual strength with excessive pride, arrogance even, and she detested it. Because self-will is supposed to yield results of a similar magnitude. Because true self-will is confidence, but it is a humble and responsible confidence, not low self-esteem that was garishly disguised with an excess of pride."

Hmm. This excerpt is so true.

Flaw, flawed, flawless...

I've got so much things to say, but I no longer want to say them out using such a public medium. Or at least, not the things that I really want to say.

He said, "Aren't you human too?"

And I didn't know how to answer him.

My heart skipped a most gigantic beat today, and its a wonder I didn't die. Everything in my body system stopped for that brief moment, I'm sure of it. I felt as if I had been Petrified.

Okay, I'm very drama mama sometimes, but it honestly felt so real. The Petrified thing, I mean.

Waiting for a Pride and Prejudice vid to load on Youtube. It's created by a fan, to the song Breathing by Lifehouse. I love Matthew Macfadyen!! His eyes are absolutely beautiful. They're this mystical greyish-blue, and they're sort of soft. I love soft, puppy-dog eyes. The Weezer frontman has such eyes too, just that the irises are brown/black.

Heading to the gym soon. I wish I could just skip it, but I haven't exercised properly since Thursday, and I had quite a bit of mudpie today, so I need to go and run!

Was at the shophouses in Bugis today, doing filming for Pre-U Sem. It was quite fun, and I think Yishin makes a really good "Ah Seng". Puahaha. Went for lunch at Yoshinoya after that, and picked up a Fox catalogue there. Their clothes are pretty neat; love their tanks and jeans. Studied with Emma at Coffeebean after that. It's quite a pleasant environment to study in, and I love the music they play there.

Okay, going to watch the video now. Gotta hit the gym soon, if not it'll be so late by the time I finish running. Annyong!

I was reading through my old diary, the hand-written kind. And I was amused at how excitable I was back then. It was just two or three years ago, yet I've changed so much. Back then, I was still calling Bernard Hoon "LP"- Latrine Pit. And there was this bit about how I accidentally banged my head against the wall when this senior in my secondary school called me "baby" over MSN. I was so grossed out, because apparently, he liked me, but the ridiculous thing was that I didn't even know him that well, and he even said "Love you" on one occasion. Hahaha. The follies of youth. Secondary school had its ridiculous aspects, like "adopting" siblings. Oh man, let's not even go there. Wahahaha. And who could ever forget, "laOgOngZz!!" ?

I complained about the things I was unhappy about today to my sister, and as always, she was able to give me sound advice. I'm glad for a sister like that. She's very different in her way of thought for a 20 year old, and she's always able to make me open up my scope of thought.

This is why I am going to go on being optimistic. Laugh at me all you want, look down on me all you want. You'll never know what it's like to experience the things I do, and I feel sad for you.

The roads were jammed to the max yesterday as I attempted to make my way to school from my house. It took me over an hour to get there!! I wanted to run to school instead. Five-foot-way was pretty alright. I thought the props were quite well done. Cheers to Bobbay and the rest of the crew! The plot was a good one, but the acting could've been better. Samy was good though, really good!! And the gangster had everyone in stitches. The ending is my only gripe, but great job on the whole!

Didn't know if I should head home after that, because the roads were still jammed, so I headed to J8 with Mark instead, and he gave me this riddle to solve...

"It's more powerful than God, more evil than Satan (not too sure about the Satan part). The rich want it, the poor have it. If you eat it, you will die."

Any guesses what "it" is? I got it right on my second guess! Woohoo.

The Parent Trap is on! Divine intervention really, cos I've been saying how much I wanted to watch the movie again, and Channel 5 screens it. (:

Top 4 as of today baby. :)

Tourney season has got me so blur and bumbling. I don't know what I've been doing for the past two weeks. Yesterday, as I was looking through the calendar, I realised that the mid-terms are little more than a month away. And a week out of those four months are busted, cos of Pre U Sem. So I really don't have much time. Got chunks and chunks of text to memorize for History, Economics TYS to practise, concepts to re-learn... And I realised I've never gone for consultation once with my tutors. Yikes, am going to be in deep poop.

It's really time to focus and buck up man.

Missed photo-taking with my class today, and am quite sad. Oh well. Our memories are more than a few photos in the yearbook, but still. I don't want to be, "Not present in picture: Ho Hui Ting Melissa." Aish.

I want to watch Daisy so badly. It's been ages since I last caught a Korean movie.

Going for Nanyang's drama production later; Five Foot Way. Not extremely hyped up about it, but it'll be fun to check out the drama club.

Okay, nothing much to say, except check out Lifehouse's Breathing. It's awesome.

I went to the reservoir to jog after I reached home, because I was feeling like the fattest thing ever, after having KFC for lunch, then falling into a nice, lovely sleep on the bus. The reservoir was pretty deserted, and I felt as if I was the only soul in my own world, on that hot, stirring summer afternoon. It was a really glorious feeling. The sun was shining, but it wasn't blazing hot, just a pleasant, balmy warmth on my face and neck. And when the sunlight reflected off the waters, it was like tiny diamonds glittering on the water's surface. It was a very beautiful sigh. I love how the sun can make the grass so vividly green, like something out of a picture book, how the cracks of sunlight permeate through the thick canopy of leaves and fall in golden pools upon the grassy floor. It was truly blissful, the run I had today. It was so peaceful and it seemed as if it was just me in a quiet world of pure, simple beauty, with no interruptions, just me and my breathing, and my thoughts.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me

At KFC today, Mark was saying how his secondary school (Cat High) gave him a wholesome education, while other schools just gave some education, and he cited neighbourhood schools as an example. Oh, to digress, I realise that I no longer feel very affronted when people insult me, whether indirectly or directly, jokingly or purposely. Hmm. Anyway, Mark was saying that there were a lot of bad influences in neighbourhood schools, like fighting, smoking etc. And every other day, there would sure to be a police car in the school. And that is true, Dunman (Sec, not High) did have a lot of fighting, smoking, vulgarities and I remember seeing a police car in the school premises more than once. But if you gave me a choice, I would never trade the education I had at Dunman for an education elsewhere. Dunman exposed me to a lot. I don't live in such a narrow world of fairies and toadstools anymore, because of Dunman. It exposed me to an interesting variety of people, from the pai kias to the clowns, to the "nerds" (of which I suspect I was one). A lot of people frown upon the Normal Tech and Normal Acad people, but having studied in the same school with them for four years, I can honestly tell you that most of the people there, are perhaps the funniest, liveliest and most accepting people in society you'll ever find. They may not be the smartest, but they're talented in their own different ways. I've learnt to respect them. Dunman didn't have mottos like "being a gentleman", but we had our 6 Ds. Diligence, Discipline, Determination, Duty, Daring, and my favourite motto, Discernment. Dunman was far from being an English-speaking school like Mark's school. There wasn't even a proper medium of communication. Most of the time, conversations would go like that:

"CB lah, na ge lao shi sibeh buay tahan."

Pardon the vulgarities. It's a bit exaggerated, but that's about the gist. But I have to disagree that Dunman is just any old neighbourhood school that just gives some education. Dunman gave me the best education I could've ever wanted. Maybe at a "top" school, I could've done better academically. But Dunman gave me an education about life, patience, love, and most importantly, people. And I did better than expected for my O Levels, and I will never say that it was all my effort, because I think 60% must've come from the teachers. Studying in a "neighbourhood" school really taught me how to be more open-minded, less complaining, more accepting.

But that's not to say neighbourhood schools are the best. It's to each individual. I like studying in a neighbourhood school, because the environment suits me better. But I know of people who wouldn't be able to survive in a secondary school like mine. I guess it's all in the personality and expectations.

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I pondered over a lot of things today while running. Trivial things perhaps. I was mulling over why I was so attracted to JB, and I haven't been able to fathom why for the longest time. And today it suddenly hit me. I always talk about the aura I get from him. And I realised that it's that aura of decency.

Anyway, today's my baby's birthday. HEY BEL! Are you reading this? Happy, happy birthday to you. I'm so sorry we can't be the ones to celebrate today with you. We've always been the first to give you your present right? I'm so sorry to break the tradition this year. We'll be meeting very soon though. I'm missing you and please take care! Enjoy today!! :D

14 more days till I see my bestest friends in the whole Milky Way!

You were the only one who could ever make me laugh and giggle unabashedly. You were the wind that swept my inhibitions away. You were the only one who ever made me happy. You were the only one whom I'd ever do those crazy things with. Remember how we'd dance on the field in school at six a.m. in the morning, underneath the moon and the many stars, kicking the morning dew up and how you'd catch me up by the waist and swing me round, round, round till all I could see was a blur? That blur was Paradise. Remember how we'd run and leap off from the ground into the bathing pool when the days got too hot? When I was flying through the air and everything whooshed by so fast, that blur was Paradise. Remember how we'd visit the woods behind your house, when the canopy of leaves shaded us from the sunlight and daffodils and daisies bloomed everywhere? Remember how we'd perch on the fallen log which was covered in moss and mark out imaginary X-spots and pretend that there was buried treasure inside?

Eternal boy of summer, where are you?

Today,

was,

mind-blowingly,

heart-stoppingly,

breath-takingly,

feet-stompingly,

awesomely,

magnificently...

WONDERFULWONDERFULWONDERUL.

WE DID IT, WE REALLY DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!

BBGT IS LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Was in pseudo-depression 'cos Yizhen told me something, but now I am so happy!!!!

I'm a "soul in bliss". :)))))))))