Been rather busy the past two days or so with packing. I haven't sat down and properly studied in a long while. And I will have only three weeks or so to cram for midterms, because I doubt I'll be able to study much during PUS. Am rather excited for later, especially meeting my teammates and playing icebreakers. Okay, sounds stupid but I've always enjoyed playing IB.

I guess we'll always be our harshest critic, but for some people, that would not be the case. I am perfectly capable of being vindictive and evil-hearted. Sometimes the anger I feel scares me, and even though my mom tells me I always bottle up my feelings, I've never felt as if I was going to erupt and kill someone/myself someday. But there was this once, when I screamed at my brother and it was really frightening, even to myself. Especially to myself. It was the type of scream that comes from the very bottom of your heart, that is felt with so much vengeance and bitterness. And that's the one and only time in my life, that I've ever screamed like that. And my poor brother got the brunt of it, when he didn't really do anything wrong. Emmalyn said I'm good-natured and it really got me thinking. I would like to tell you that I am not good-natured. Being good-natured should be something pure and untainted right? A lot of evil things go through my head; the cynical part of me. I can't take things at face value anymore, I can't see something and accept it for what it is anymore. There will always be nagging questions at the back of my head, and I will always wonder if this is the true side of the person I'm seeing.

I know we all have our good and bad sides, but I sometimes feel very dark and ugly inside of me. That's when I hate it that I'm not perfect inside of me. Not simple and clean, to go by the song.

Over the past three days, I've seen good people. Truly good people. To ourselves, we might seem very bad, but to others, we might be angels. Emmalyn's one such angel to me. You know how someone just has this inherent goodness in her? Such that it shines through? The type of goodness that is just natural and innate? The type of goodness you cannot fake. That's Emmalyn. And you might not think so, Emma, but it's true. :) Ellis is another one. She's like a big sister/mother who dishes out advice, and who could ever forget, coming down to cityhall at 9am just to pass me a bag? I'm really grateful I got to know her better over the course of this year. And Mark, of course. Even though his mind works in really weird ways, like using the iPamper and massaging his chest and then laughing and laughing, and even though he once tried to slam the door on me, he's still guileless and trustworthy, and that's a lot to say.

I haven't forgotten Zhiying, of course. We haven't been talking much over the past week for some weird reason, and we might be drifting apart, but she's such a great friend from the start. I still remember how she bothered to go with me to BHCC and teach my layups before the basketball trials, even though we weren't that close, taught me to shoot, taught me Math. Going back to school to help me find my purse even though it was so late at night. I love you, Number 11. (: I might not always know the right things to say, might not always seem to be able to find the words that would cheer you up, but anytime you need a listening ear, just to listen, I'm here.

And lastly, to that special friend of mine

If not for you, I know I would have just let it slip away. I know I'll still be filled with anger and hurt. And then I would've regretted. So, thank you. :)