I tried to climb your steps,
I tried to chase you down,
I tried to see how low I could get to down to the ground,
I tried to earn my way,
I tried to change this mind,
You better believe that I tried to beat this.

When will this end, it goes on and on
Over, and over, and over again.
Keep spinning around I know it won't stop,
Till I step down from this for good

It's a sick cycle carousel, in Lifehouse's words. Indeed, when will this end?

Well, I managed to catch the 2nd half of the match between Braaazil and Japan. Score: 4-1, and I am so glad I caught that match, because Ronaldo kept his promise and he made a comeback! Scored the first and last goal for Brazil. Wahoo! Went to school with only four hours of sleep (no, it's not the match's fault, I couldn't sleep at all, despite going to bed at 10.15pm) and with only a cup of bitter coffee for breakfast. Now I know why my parents need to drink coffee everyday, even though it's bitter as hell. It's kind of addictive, and the taste grows on you. Only but I added like two teaspoons of sugar into my coffee, hahaha. Was able to do the paper though. Loved the essay part. I did religion, for the first time in my GP essay writing. Studied after the paper with Zying and Mark. Managed to finish Keynes (I know, I'm behind schedule) and start on Government Policies. I must complete at least Unit 4-1 for European History today, and finish Fiscal Policy by tonight!

Sorry for all the talk about studying. I like to put everything down, I feel as if I'll have more focus, and everything's a bit more organized.

There was this once, when my bro was still a cute little kid, and he just found out that people actually die, and that my parents won't be around forever, and he cried. I thought that was really cute, and I still do. Too bad that cute little kid became a video-game fan, and isn't really so cute anymore. Which reminds me, he needs a haircut. Anyway, the reason why I mentioned this, cos I was just recalling what Emmalyn once asked me, "What are you gonna do after you die?" Because if you believe in a religion, then you'd believe in life after death, right? And she was mentioning about the purpose of life, and that it was to eventually get to our afterlife. I don't know what I believe. Sometimes I believe in an afterlife, or at least, I sincerely believe there's a God up there, and I believe in retribution (but actually, I don't think it's a divine thingy, it's just the way laws and humans are made that makes retribution possible). But I can honestly say the reason why I'm living this life, is not because I'm thinking of the place I'm gonna go to when I die. Which reminds me of Eileen's question: What does give us the motivation to live our lives? I've been thinking about this quite frequently, and especially when I write. You know what they say, we're all going to die one day or another, why not just die now? Supposing you're not a follower of any religion, so there is no punishment if you end your life right here, right now. What makes us continue to breathe, continue to take steps? I always said it was hope that drives us on to live our lives. But hope in what? I don't know. I only know that I can't give up my life just like that. I can't commit suicide because of bodily inadequacies, because my boyfriend dumped me, or whatever other reasons people kill themselves for. Because I think about all those people with terminal illnesses, and I think about how they fight each day to take another breath, and how they'd give anything to be able to walk, talk, breathe, laugh, eat, jump like me. You can't just entertain thoughts of suicide, not that I've ever had, when you think of it this way. And as the saying goes, "If you can say that this is the worst, then you know it's not the worst." Or something like that. And I believe wholeheartedly that however low you sink in spirits, the funk will eventually pass. It's like interest rate; when the interest rate is so low that it hits rock-bottom, you can only expect it to rise. Now, there's a bit of Economics for you.

So what am I living for? I don't know, it's just how there are days when I stand at my window early in the morning, before the sun rises, and I inhale, and there is that wonderful smell of life. It's fresh and clean and brisk and it's like a soothing balm, and I think, this is it. This is life. This is love. It's just how there are days when the sky is blue and the sun is pleasantly sunny. It's just how you hang out with your friends, and even while studying, they never fail to make you laugh with their head bobbing and "Bodies dropping onto the floor" rap. It's just days when you feel like bursting with raw, vital energy, when you can just run and jump into the air and laugh so hard your sides ache. And you think, this is it. Life cannot get any better than this.

I want to look into the Mirror of Erised and see only my face smiling back at me. That's who I want to be, the happiest girl in this world.

My favourite song from Spice Girls.