Hello, photos I took in the evening, except for the first one. That wasn't really taken in 2004. It was taken this year, as a matter of fact. I was just too lazy to set the date at that time. I realise that even though I've probably taken tons of such photos, not one is really any good. They don't really say anything. But I thought the evening sky today was really pretty. The sky was this electric blue, so vivid and bright.

I've been sleeping so much for the past two days. I woke up at ten this morning, mooned around the house for a bit, doing a bit of work, listening to music. Then I went to read some Persuasion guidebook on my bed around 2pm, and fell asleep, and when I next woke up, it was already 5pm. Gah. And each time I wake up, starting from yesterday, my body's always sore all over. My shoulders are still aching from Thursday's gym session. And I realise that I've gone mad. Yesterday, I dreamt I found the next two books in the Russian History series, and in my dream, I was elated. Currently, I'm reading the book on the period 1815-1881, and I need to find the books on the period after that. So somehow, the need entered my unconscious moment and it became distorted, such that I was actually elated to have found the books. Siao man. And the other day in the library, when Eileen and I found the Persuasion guidebooks, I was similarly very happy, only for real this time, and I even wanted to do something very evil. Hahaha. Okay, only my Lit mates know what it is I wanted to do. There's something very wrong when you begin to dream about History books. How come I never dream about stuff like eating durians (which I really want to) or winning awards, or even meeting the love of my life?

You know right, I was reading some Econs stuff, where it said that the government's educational and other policies were all designed to serve the needs of the economy. European History tutorials also alerted me to the fact that the reason why I'm studying is to serve the needs of Singapore next time. I was kind of bitter that I was merely an instrument or organ of the state, and that "Nation before Self" no longer sounded quite as heroic or patriotic, because it no longer is a choice, like dying for your country during a war is. But the bitterness lasted for all of 5 minutes, because I'm not like the peasants during the Russian Revolution, who had to cultivate crops for the sake of the state, and who suffered a lot, and didn't really gain anything. I mean, I'm relatively fortunate. But you know, I again read somewhere that the demise of Communism meant the demise of the hopes and dreams of many people. I realise that Communism, apart from liberalism, is one of the few ideologies that doesn't focus on the state, nor does it totally focus on the individual, as liberalism does, but it focuses on humans on a macro level. You know, it doesn't to teach you to live for the state, or to live entirely for yourself, but to live for yourself and for others. But before the government arrests me for being a pro-Communist, (scary how you can't say anything without adding a disclaimer anymore) I'm not one. I think Communism is unachievable, because you can't expect everyone to be totally compassionate and altruistic, but it's actually quite a worthy ideology. Idealistic, but worthy.

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

Somewhere Only We Know by Keane.

I have so many silly unspoken wishes and dreams.